According to a recent study in Italy and published recently by the AP the institution of marriage is in clear decadence. Apparently less couples are deciding to tie the knot after they have had a "marriage-like" life together without the actual paper who legally says they are in deed a married entity.

European females in particular have become more and more independent and fearful of the commitment that a marriage brings on; they are also less interested in having children and that is mainly the reason why the population is only getting older. Now, these are all facts we all know, but do we do anything about it?. Does this information make me, non-european female think about "oh my god I should get married and I should continue population growth?" the answer is clearly negative.

The church and the religious leaders have made a strong case in favor of marriage and the old traditional ways of life. I agree and respect that yes, marriage in many cases (or just the lucky few?) works out great and its healthier for children to be brought up in an enviroment where there are 2 parents (and Im not talking exclusively about men-women couples, just healthy well established couples) and there is a sense of respect and authority. But I also strongly believe and encourage several "gray" situations that happen in real life and marriage is not the best option as the church says:

Teenage pregnancy: Teenagers should not be encouraged or pressured under any circumstance to get married when they face pregnancy, even if the "puppy love" feelings they have make them think they can conquer it all. I believe, and through observation, that this new families will not only grow up conflicted but it leads them into divorce faster than any other group.

Marriage through law, and any other religious belief should happen after both parties are 30 years and up. Now this is a point where I have faced many debate. I will explain why I think this, in a very simple way.

When you are a teen you barely know what the hell you want to do with your life, you usually live in this fantasy land where you truly believe you will be the next american idol or a succesful billionare or a rock star or a model, or whatever else we think about then. When you hit the early 20's is when you need to start building that dream or land on planet earth and begin the construction of "who you want to be" (professionally especially, college). Now, when you hit the mid 20's youre only either: still working on your inmmediate future (grad school, working, etc) or partying like a maniac or both. Your mind is not ready to settle down and you are still shaping your personality, learning, knowing others, deciding which path to take, becoming an adult.

In your late 20's, you are almost there, you should at least have a job by now, and be aware of yourself, you should be able to know right from wrong, and then embark into the 30's, I believe people are more capable of dealing with marriage once they have passed all this steps into becoming a partner to one person only and making a commitment.

I would dare bet any statistic and say that people who marry after 30 stay together longer than those who marry before their 30's....(I will do some research to confirm my theory). And this is NOT a general idea or a whole truth, my parents married in their mid 20's and almost 30 years later they are still together.

But we cannot ignore that generations are WAY different now, especially us, the gen x and y, 70-80's kids. We are way more selfish than our parents and our grandparents.

Now, the third point

Marriage is not something WE ARE SUPPOSED TO DO, especially as females brought up in societies like mine, mexican or latin american. An unmarried female is still seen as a weirdo, as a lesbian or as someone who is bitter and angry. There is a macho culture that women who dont get married are cursed, they MUST have something really wrong in themselves that no men would want to marry them.

So with that said, a lot of women marry out of desperation, out of impulse or fear. I have seen examples of women who would rather die in an abusive relationship than be single. Women build their self steem over how many men they have proposing marriage, or they go into this vicious circle of "married friends" and sucumb to the peer and social pressure.

Its ok not to get married, its ok to live with your partner without signing any papers, its OK to take your time and enjoy the present. Its ok to be single, its better to be single than unhappy in a unhealthy or stupid relationship.

Also, I believe that people should not settle for the previous reasons, for fear of being alone, for fear of staying single, etc. Women are more empowered now, we can take care of ourselves but it doesnt necessarily mean we dont need men at all. As much as I am a feminist, Im not a radical one. I believe men have their role in society, not as machos or so called head of society, I believe that being a woman is also recognizing our limits, letting go of the super girl role sometimes and I dont know any person who doesnt like feeling safe, loved and cared for by a loved one.

But I also think that we dont need to take any bullshit from our significant others, and bullshit is not a small fit, cheating which in my book of morals is the lowest most selfish disgusting act of betrayal and disrespect for a person, we dont have to take it. I dont care the "what if's", a cheater WILL ALWAYS cause you worry and dispair. A person who cheats, its most likely a cheater in all areas of life. And this is a black and white issue for me in particular. So, bs like this, depending on your very own book of morals, is the one that we, the new generation, men and women, heteros, gay, transgender, etc, should not take from anyone.

So, if you think about it, marriage is a very important desicion that, a lot of us, may not be able to take. I believe if people took the time to grow up, to know themselves and love themselves before jumping into marriage, divorce would be obsolete. Im not against marriage, Im not against formalities and morality, Im against precipitated actions without sustainable roots. Let us take our time to live every step and every phase in our life, I do believe in destiny and that things happen for a reason. If its yours, NOTHING can take it away from you and life is soooo misterious that it leads you into your own destiny without you knowing it.

 The Myth of Saint Valentine's

Apparently Saint Valentine was a martyr, who died on feb 14th and that is why this is the day of his name....but even the catholic church, the maker of all saints, has said he didnt exist and stopped celebrating his death because there is no cientific proof to verify his existence at all. For more information, but in spanish, go to today's Jornada paper (link on the side bar)